As I write this post \/ blog, I have recently celebrated 39 years of marriage with the wife of my youth, Tracie Baird. As she could testify, I am no relationship expert. Honestly, when the Lord passed out giftings, she was given (as are most women) the innate relationship abilities. I, on the other hand (like most men), have had to learn relationship and marriage through my own ineptness and difficult process. Tracie deserves an award for patience and stick-to-itiveness. Say what you want, marriage is hard work for the vast majority of us. Yes, there are some couples who find one another, and both have certain personality types which perfectly sync, and their journey is continual, blissful joy, but that dynamic is rare. You have probably heard the old saying that opposites attract. That is often the case. We like and are drawn to potential spouses which have strengths where we are potentially weak or lacking. The relationship should work well on paper, but in reality, it can be a bumpy road. And full discloser with regards to our marriage. We have journeyed 39 years together as husband and wife, but there were some bumpy, challenging times. We made some decisions along the way to refuse to call it quits no matter the challenges.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That being said, the data concerning marriage indicates that not every couple can press through with their relationship. The divorce rate for first marriages is 41%. 60 percent of all second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce. This factors out to 1 in every 2 marriages (50%) will succumb to divorce. The United States is number 6 in divorce rate in the world. In our own circle of friendships and acquaintances, we have witnessed the tragic dissolution of numerous marriages. I have no evidence anecdotally or empirically to dispute these statistics. It is a sad reality when one considers the ancillary repercussions of this data. The long-term pain and problems to children. The emotional toll over separation. As a pastor who has watched such events up close and dealt with the aftermath, I can tell you that no matter the \u201creasons\u201d there is rarely an amicable or \u201ceasy\u201d divorce.<\/p>\n
To those who are reading this blog and have been divorced, my purpose is not to dredge up and review (or renew) any pain. I do not know your circumstances and simply cannot make blanket judgments without some of the details. I realize from the statistics I posted above that the percentages are high that I am reaching many divorced people with these words. All I can do is pray that Jesus heals your heart, and you search the Scriptures diligently as you move forward in your life. My purpose is not to untangle, justify, or condemn your past, but rather share some precepts which have guided Tracie and me in achieving some longevity in our relationship and marriage to those who want to make it to the finish line.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SEVEN (7) Precepts Which Have Strengthened Our Marriage<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n COVENANT<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The very word might produce a ten week preaching series. Personally, I have taught a semesters class at the university level on this topic so this quick point will not do the concept justice. Let me say that marriage is covenant in God\u2019s eyes. It is serious business with profound implications in both the sealing and a dissolution. To be honest, there is no act in the current Western mindset that defines or demonstrates it adequately. Let\u2019s just say, for Christians to bounce in and out of marriages is not the will, plan, or pattern of God.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I understand that people will present to me the issues of adultery, abuse, or abandonment (The 3-A\u2019s as I call them). I have pastored for close to 38 years now, so I \u201cget\u201d the arguments for exceptions. I understand there are innocent parties being unjustly divorced from spouses who simply \u201clost their minds\u201d. Again, I wish I had weeks of time to navigate these waters expounding upon Scripture, but I am simply sharing with you how Tracie and I approach our marriage.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Simply put\u2026There is no \u201cD\u201d word. We simply have removed that option from the table. We don\u2019t say it and we refuse to consider it. Covenant removes that consideration. No matter how angry, frustrated, misunderstood, offended, hurt or wounded we may feel; it is off the table at all times. When I premaritally counseled as a local church pastor, I would often tell couples that if they wanted a divorce in the future, it would be required that they send notifications to all who attended their wedding ceremony. All the attenders would gather in the same location and the two of them must stand before the crowd and simply say before God and man\u2026\u201d We lied\u201d.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I know that sounds dramatic, but covenant is not to be taken lightly.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For us, the fear of God has been a great relational glue to keep us together.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n CONVERSATION<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tracie and I love to talk. We talk about anything and everything. We\u2019ve been known to stay up into the early hours of the morning talking about the future, God\u2019s Will, dreams, goals, possibilities, and sometimes problems. I think our ability to have meaningful conversations has kept us attuned to what each other is thinking, needing, and aspiring.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n COMRADERIE<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The definition of the word means, \u201cmutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.\u201d We are friends. We like to hang out together. I know some couples need their individual (\u201cme\u201d) time, and there is no criticism from me on that point if it keeps the relationship healthy and vital. However, for us, we spend a lot of time together and enjoy it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n CONNECTION<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tracie and I are on the same page. We have forged our goals, aspirations, dreams, and future with the realization that we are both connected to that picture. We have been fortunate to have both been \u201ccalled\u201d into the ministry, so our vocations have almost always been parallel. I know that some say they cannot work together or be connected that way through the day or for that long, but for us it has worked and been a blessing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n COMPROMISE<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n In many instances this can be a dirty word. Nobody should be a compromiser, especially when it comes to priorities or the faith. This isn\u2019t the kind of compromise I am sharing. Not every hill in life is the hill you need to die on. There are numerous and even important things that impact you as a couple that will demand compromise. Tracie understands that I have goals and dreams. I understand that she too has goals and dreams. Some of them intersect. Some of them do not. Some of them we have great opinions. Others we do not. We both have found a way to wrestle out direction and decisions when it comes to important moments and realize we both will be asked to compromise on occasion.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n COMPLIMENTARY<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n This may sound silly, but in our day and age it may need to be said. Tracie is a woman and Kevin is a man. This means she is uniquely equipped by God as a woman to do some things exceedingly better than me. It also means that I am uniquely created by God to do a few things exceedingly better than her. Therefore, we compliment one another and that is good. There is no comparison or competition in the marriage. We cheer each other on and root for each other\u2019s success.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n CONSIDERATION<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Simply put, we are nice to each other. That is not to say that there haven\u2019t been some pretty good dust ups and each of us said some things we knew later we shouldn\u2019t have said. We are both very strong-willed leaders, and the possibility exists that we can on occasion \u201cbutt heads\u201d. That said, we make it a point to be nice to one another. We say, \u201cplease\u201d and \u201cthank-you\u201d. We complement each other on our attire or \u201clooks\u201d. We call each other by \u201cpet\u201d names like honey, sweetheart, or baby. Words are powerful and we are doing our best to make sure only profitable and uplifting one\u2019s flow from our mouths.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n These are just a few of the practices which I would mark as precepts which have helped us go 39 years together.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It takes work folks.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s not always easy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n But I\u2019m glad we are doing it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The joy of any labor is the fruit it produces.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For me, I\u2019m enjoying the fruit of a 39-year run.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I can\u2019t wait for the next 39.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As I write this post \/ blog, I have recently celebrated 39 years of marriage with the wife of my youth, Tracie Baird. As she could testify, I am no relationship expert. Honestly, when the Lord passed out giftings, she was given (as are most women) the innate relationship abilities. I, on the other hand…<\/span><\/p>\n