Most people have heard of “The Billy Graham Rule” which is a personal conduct guideline followed by primarily male Christian leaders, to avoid being alone with women who are not their wives or immediate family members. Key examples could include never eating alone with another woman, nor traveling alone with another woman. In our era it might also include careful selection of personal assistants as in the case of the recently fired Michigan head football coach who sadly was discovered to be in an affair with his young assistant.
The rule is designed as a way to maintain one’s personal integrity and protect one’s reputation. The preemptive strategy is “give no place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:27).
It would be no surprise to any of my FB friends, that I see the rule as a good practice.
I also know that there are critics who argue that it can create professional barriers for working women, over-sexualize what should be normal male-female interactions, and potentially be a form of discrimination.
I understand the criticism and perhaps there are occasions which that might occur.
Having said that, I will simply clarify what I have seen…
Many of the men who follow the Billy Graham rule are not implementing such boundaries because they lack self-control, their testosterone is out of control, or they see women solely as sex objects. They implement this personal rule for the following:
- They respect their wife and want to demonstrate that singular focus by creating space between themselves and other women in situations which other people could and have misconstrued.
- They preemptively take steps to protect their personal integrity from any false accusation or assumptions.
- They understand the nature of humanity being born with an inclination to sin and respect its deceptive possibilities.
- Their highest priority is not their job or ministry, but their relationship to the Lord, their wife, and their family. Other people’s frustrations with their boundaries means little.
Men who resist such boundaries.
These may be the ones you want to keep an eye on.
I’m not saying these men can’t keep things strictly plutonic and professional, but this is the only pool from which we find problems the vast majority of the time.
I’m not a betting man, but I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of married women would greatly respect a husband who designed his life this way. I simply cannot see a married woman saying, “Sure honey, spend untold hours with this other female on planes, in hotels, at lunches and dinners, and events without me, and do it for months and years and it’s fine with me.”
Please, do not tell me your job will not accommodate some sensible and prudent boundaries.
I’ve visited with too many CEO’s and traveling salespeople in front of my pastoral desk and watched how most businesses will bend over backwards to help marriage and family relationships flourish when asked to accommodate a few boundaries. It’s good business to help maintain stability in its workforce. And furthermore, with the establishment of ZOOM and GOOGLE virtual meetings, it’s easy to keep everyone who needs to be in the loop…in the loop.
When people protest the Billy Graham rule, my usual response is to quote Shakespeare from Hamlet,
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.
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