(Things you were never taught in Seminary)
The following is a “tongue-n-cheek” attempt at codifying the numerous theological statements I have read through this election cycle. It is meant to provoke your thinking, not offend your feelings. However, this election season has been fertile ground for offense. None the less….. Here we go…
1. Samuel, Nathan, Elijah, Elisha, John the Baptist, Jesus, and Paul by virtue of their correcting of civic leaders prove that they were actually secret Pharisees.
2. During an election primary all sin is considered equal. During a general election your political opponent’s sin is exponentially greater than your candidate’s sin.
3. Any Scriptural evaluation of a candidate is idealistic, judgmental, and an indicator of pharisee-ism.
4. God can use all imperfect vessels to do His Will except your political opponent who is the spawn of Satan.
5. Your candidate’s flaws are simply acts of the flesh and carnality while your opponent’s flaws are indicators of demonic possession.
6. Any Scriptural leadership expectation asked of a political candidate is fulfillment of the verse, “(Jesus said) whoever is without sin among you cast the first stone”.
7. Legitimate concern over a candidate’s confession of a crime or assault is a sign of a lack of forgiveness unless the crime involves your political opponent at which point you are righteously indignant.
8. A prophetic word that endorses your candidate always holds more authority than a plain, simple Scriptural precept.
9. The Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word of God except when addressing civil leadership selection and then it is a book written for another time.
10. It is the highest priority for Christian brethren to dwell together in unity as long as all agree on the candidate to support.
11. God is sovereign and can use anybody so there is no word or deed which can disqualify any person from civic leadership unless it is your political opponent’s word or deed.
12. A vote for your candidate which leads to potential victory automatically stays the hand of God’s judgment upon the nation.
13. God is sovereign within the two party system. Anything outside of that is considered rebellion.
14. God’s Will can be most easily discerned through a potential Supreme Court appointment list rather than plain Scripture.
15. The Lord will favor and use any candidate who you believe is a scintilla better than your political opponent because our own moral opinions are a better plum-line than clear Scripture.
Add any new revelation below…
Meleah Heavner
October 12, 2016 at 6:32 pmOne can judge a tree by its fruit. In fact, it is okay to dissect the fruit of the opposing candidate ‘just to be sure’- as well as the tree, as a sapling, and the fruit in an unidentifiable state of decay- at which point one is free to declare the fruit to have never been fit for human consumption in the first place, and in fact, the same poisonous variety that tempted Eve, if it even is fruit, that is.
With one’s favorite candidate, ‘meh, fruit/schmoot- the only fruit inspected should be ‘just ripe enough’ and declared “delectable”, “bound to produce an award-winning pie”- as long as nobody else votes for another, in which case they are un-American, un-Christian, unrealistic, too Heavenly-minded to be any earthly good, self-righteous, and would obviously rather eat a mud pie to begin with.
Erin Pfeil
October 12, 2016 at 7:08 pmHypocrites oppose my candidate. Being a hypocrite has nothing to do with not doing the Word, it’s all about the opposition of my candidate.