I have been listening to a recent podcast series through Christianity Today entitled, “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill”. The premise and proposition of the podcast is to analyze the collapse of the Mars Hill Church (Seattle) in 2014, as well as dissect the leadership style and problems of it’s (then) pastor, Mark Driscoll. The stated promise was to be “balanced” and “fair” in its presentation. Much could be said regarding the accuracy or fulfillment of that promise without even hearing the last several episodes. For me, it gave the vibe of numerous unstated, perhaps even unnecessary, agendas. However, let me set that dynamic of “unbiased journalism”, or as they call it “story-telling”, aside to address the context of the podcasts, which appear to be a smash hit in the eyes of many. The producers are attempting to deal with the concept of church abuse, hurt and woundedness, as well as pastoral authoritarianism. The entire series is not yet completed, but after 7 segments into it, along with a couple of excurses into somewhat similar disconnected themes, I feel I can safely say that I get where this is going.
Let me quickly stipulate… (and this may need to be referred to several times as you read through this blog.)
Do people get hurt and have people been hurt or abused in church life?
Of course.
Are there pastors and have there been pastors who have been authoritarian and abusive?
Without question.
No one, including this writer, is in any way justifying, excusing, defending, or minimizing legitimate physical, sexual, or mental abuse. The church and the ministry are sadly subject to the Fall and carnality of humanity as easily as any arena of life. To avoid such evils is a worthy topic of discussion. Those who have a legitimate story of abuse to share should feel empowered to tell their story and if laws have been broken, then the perpetrators need to face those consequences. (Remember, I said this.)
But there is another unspoken component that seems to be missing…
In the context of an era in which many believe is saturated with people wearing their feelings on shirt sleeves and instant victimhood, it is also important to hear the whole story (meaning both sides) and be able to parse legitimate abuse from profound disappointment. There is a difference between the two and to conflate them is not only doing a disservice to the accused, but it may forever keep the accuser from true healing. What I find fascinating in this podcast is the passion many people have in perpetually (or at least for 7+ years) rehearsing and nursing their stories of hurt. I certainly wouldn’t want to minimize anyone’s story of pain. Pain is personal and it is the one aspect of life to which we all can relate as human beings.
But pain, especially if it is rooted in profound disappointment, injustice, or unfairness must be reconciled before God lest the pain turns into bitterness and ultimately replaces the identity of the one aggrieved. In other words, your pain suddenly becomes who you are. Your injustice becomes your “ministry” identity, instead of what formed you for the ministry.
Whenever this subject comes up, it most often is presented in the context of authoritarian leadership. (Remember, I stipulated that point) However, as a pastor for over 35 years and in my current role as the Director of Pastoral Ministries (interacting with literally hundreds of pastors frequently), I have found myself reminded that disappointment, injustices, and unfairness are not only the experience of the followers but very much the experience of far too many leaders as well. I have often told people that it will only take about 2 weeks in church life before you experience some form of offense and woundedness. It’s because we are frail human beings. We ALL have been aggrieved as well as produced it in another. It is to some extent, unavoidable, because it is rooted in the sin nature to be selfish.
Should that nature be resisted and suppressed?
Of course.
But it is still a reality that has existed since the Fall.
However, just to be fair…
I hear from pastors (regularly) who have experienced…
Deep and profound betrayal from church staff or members…
Church boards who dismiss them for no spiritual or biblical reason…
Members who smear their good name on social media because they didn’t get their way…
Elders that connive and scheme behind the pastor’s back…
Salaries threatened if they approached certain (biblical) subjects…
Verbal attacks upon their family and wife…
Insubordination and rebellion from leaders…
Gossip…
Slander…
Lies…
Partial stories of offense…
False accusations…
Broken promises…
Well…You get the point.
In 35 years, I have experienced most of the above list. It would be interesting to do a podcast and “story-tell” the accounts of pastors being “abused”. (but I digress)
In fact, as a staff pastor for several years at a church, I can identify with feelings of disappointment, injustice, and unfairness with my leader. I don’t need to do an expose’ on my feelings as a staff pastor or senior pastor, but I have found (at least for me) a key which keeps me out of the pit of victimhood. It was found in 2002, when I picked up R.T. Kendall’s book, Total Forgiveness. The entire book was revolutionary, but especially one important point which I shall derive the following to share with you, the reader.
“(Love) It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered,” I Corinthians 13:5 (LT)
When God forgave us, He tore up the scorecard…
Why?
Because He loves…
If we are to love as He loves and forgive as He forgives…
We too, have to tear up the scorecard…
I used to keep scorecards. I kept close tabs and records of wrongs done to me. I admit, it was crazy to do that, but there are people reading this right now who are keeping their own scorecards. Your disappointment, injustice, or unfairness (multitudes of them) are being kept in an inner account for you to bring up at a moments notice.
We do this as human beings because we secretly refuse to believe that “vengeance” or “justice” is the Lord’s and not ours. We keep the scorecard to make sure no one forgets and to make sure God remembers. Crazy, right? We defend it in a variety of ways…
Self-righteousness (I would never do such a thing and others shouldn’t either)
Self-pity (Feel sorry for me for enduring such a wrong)
Self-therapy (I keep talking about it because it is better than repressing these feelings)
Self-exaltation (See what a martyr I am)
Self-vindication (People cannot get away with such things)
To name but a few…
I know…
I had to tear up some scorecards in order to slay “self” (Gal. 2:20).
Obviously, there is more to forgiveness and wholeness than just the tearing up of old scorecards of wrong doings received. I would recommend a reading of Kendall’s book. It was not only a lifesaver for the ministry, but for my personal life. Bitterness and perpetual woundedness is toxic at its core. At the end of the day, I’m not all that sure how much a podcast that regurgitates all the offence from a church closing 7 years ago to a Christian public that is always eager to hear the salacious tidbits of the inner workings will lead to this great wave of health. At times, to me, despite its seemingly lofty aspirations of corporate health, it sounds like a rehearsal of bitterness.
Honestly, (and I am no defender of Driscoll or any truly abusive action on his part) it sounds more like people finally getting their moment to tell the world their scorecard.
It takes true maturity to tear up the score card…
Perhaps that is why few can do it…
Especially here in America, the land of the perpetual victims.
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